Counting down...

Friday was my 6th of eight infusions. It was Taxol again, but this time I was a little more ready for it so I'm hoping to avoid the "hit-by-a-truck" sensation. Of course that means that the alternative is drug induced oblivion, but I think I'll take it.

I think things are going well. I'll be meeting with my surgeon in the next week or so. When I last met with my oncologist she said that this was the first time that she could honestly say that she couldn't feel the tumor at all. That doesn't mean that it's gone, just that it can't be detected without an ultrasound or MRI. Considering it was approximately the size of a golf ball when we started all this, I guess that's good. I'm not sure if it will change future treatment plans (surgery and radiation), but it has to be good that the cancer cells have responded so well to the chemo. 

More good news is that my Dermatomyositis seems to finally be responding. My hands look better than they have in a year. I don't think they'll ever be the same, but considering that two weeks ago the skin was peeling off in layers, I suppose I'll take them as they are and be content.

In the beginning, my doctors all kept saying that they were certain that the Cancer had jumpstarted the Dermatomyositis and with the Cancer gone, there would be nothing to drive the Dermatomyositis so it would just go away. I wasn't convinced and after 10 weeks of chemo, even they were starting to say that the two conditions might not be related at all, but finally after the 5th round of chemo, things started looking different and for the first time, I have a little hope that Cancer treatment really will take care of both conditions. I guess we really won't know for sure until I'm officially declared Cancer free, but I'm definitely more hopeful than I have been in the past and that is huge because the Dermatomyositis was horrible. Though it would not be the same for everyone, in my case, it was worse than the Cancer.

So even though I'm not really going to be done with Cancer treatment until probably October or November, at least the chemo part is almost done. Two treatments left, and counting.

So that's what it feels like to be hit by a truck.

When I spoke with my oncologist right before my first infusion of Taxol last Friday she said, "This is the easier drug for most people. You might experience a little body ache." Then she asked me what kind of painkillers I had already at home. I told her I had 800 mg Ibuprofen capsules, and then, joking, I added that I had a few Percocet tablets left over from my last c-section. She just looked at me and said, "Okay, start with the Ibuprofen and then use the Percocet." I just stared at her, but I was thinking, "I'm going to need Percocet?!? That's what they give me when they have cut me open and yanked a watermelon out of my gut!" At that point I should have asked her exactly what she meant by "a little body ache," but I didn't. But that's okay, because about two days after infusion, I figured out exactly what she meant. What she actually meant was "you will feel like you have just been hit by a truck," and I did.

My Taxol infusion ended about 5 pm on Friday the 7th. I felt fine all day Saturday but woke up at about 2 am Sunday morning and my whole body was aching. I couldn't get back to sleep so I got up and took my Ibuprofen. It didn't even touch it. By Sunday afternoon I was sure that I was dying. It's not something I can explain. It wasn't just bone ache or just muscle ache. It was everything. My toes hurt, my legs hurt, my FINGERNAILS hurt. I laid there on my bed most of the day in the fetal position, whining in a way that could put even my 5 year old to shame. Finally gave in and went for the good stuff. I love Percocet. I slept like the dead that night and even got up to go to work, but the drugs wore off about 1 pm and I hit the wall. Went home. From then on it's been just Percocet. Wednesday was pretty bad. I woke up only semi-conscious. My fatigue levels were off the chart, but I honestly couldn't tell you if it was exhaustion due to the chemo, a Dermatomyositis flare, or if I was just hung over from all the lovely painkilling, sleepsaving Percocet I'd ingested the night before. Regardless of what was causing it, I had things going on at work that day so staying home wasn't an option so I dragged my butt out of bed, somehow managed to get the two kids dressed and off to the babysitter and school and went to work. I just kept hoping that no one would notice the way I kept staggering up and down the halls. I really must have looked like I was wasted.

Today is Friday and I felt fine most of the day. Well, I guess I know what to expect from this drug for the last three infusions. Pain. Or a drug-induced oblivion. (Which do you think I'll choose?) So, if you happen to see me within the first 6 days or so of infusion, just know that I am not intoxicated and I'm not on drugs. At least not the illegal ones. I have, however, just been hit by a truck.

Fifth of eight.

I had my fifth infusion yesterday. It was the first infusion of the new drug, Taxol. It's supposed to be easier to tolerate. For most people. Low incidence of nausea so no anti-nausea meds this time, unless I need them. I won't. Yay! I hated those anti-nausea meds. The big one with this is just supposed to be bone/muscle pain. That I can deal with. I've got my 800 mg of ibuprofen and my personal drug of choice, Percocet, standing by and ready, but so far nothing. Maybe I won't need them. We'll see.

I met two new people in the infusion room yesterday. They were both on their first treatment. One was a woman about my age, maybe a little younger, with breast cancer. Her treatment was the same as mine. Her condition sounded almost the same as mine too except they had found the cancer in her lymph nodes and they don't think it's in mine, though they haven't actually gone in to check yet. The second person was a guy about the same age too who had stage 4 non-hodgkins lymphoma. He told us about it. It was a little scary. His nurse came in and was talking to him about some of his test results and possible complications and I was really scared for him. He was young with a young wife. It helped me remember that no matter how bad you think your situation is, there is always going to be someone who is worse off, so have your pity party (that is still necessary) and move on with life and try to help those who are worse off as much as you can.